Good Deeds

I have noticed that I tend to rush through life. I realize a lot of people must feel this way, but it has whomped me in the head recently. I notice that my life is a constant countdown. Wake up at 7 = 1 hour before I have to leave. Get to work at 8:30 = 2 hours before I can take a break. 2 hours until I go to lunch, 4 hours until I get to go home, 30 minutes until I have to make dinner, 15 minutes and then it's bedtime. I do enjoy the finer points of everyday - waking up to my boys, getting home from work and them greeting me, sweet kisses at bedtime, listening to them read their stories for homework. But with all the counting down, am I enjoying them as much as I could? Probably not. 

2 good deed stories that have made me slow down and think:

1. I was on my way to Indy to hang out with Ceili and Holly for our "2 Peas and Me" crafting day. I gave her a box FULL of crafty things so she could make her own headbands with us! She decided we were going to do it the next day. Not what I had planned, but perfect anyway! We crafted, went to lunch, and had fro-yo at Orange Leaf (yuuumm!). Good, good day. Back to the good deed - I was in Columbus getting ready to get on the interstate. At the point where I was, there were 8 lanes - 2 merge lanes, 3 traffic lanes going both directions. A gentleman was holding up traffic because he was WALKING across the street. Seriously?! I assume I muttered some mean things under my breath - does he want to hold up traffic and then die so I will be stuck here longer?! When he got closer, he was holding something. It was round - possibly he lost a hubcap or something? No excuse. What was it he was holding?! A turtle. Yes - a big turtle that must have lost his way and ended up in danger on a busy highway. I mutter annoynces to a good samaritan who was saving a turtle. I gave myself a mental kick in the hiney and go about my day in a better mood.

2. Adam recently went to Chicago for 2 days. Only 2 days this time, and only 1 night. Not so bad - still don't like when he is gone though. Now that it is football season, Adam being MIA makes for a rushy kind of day. Yesterday, I had to leave work by 5 to go pick up the boys, change in the car, get water somewhere, and make it to practice by 6. I didn't leave by 5, and we didn't make it to practice - but the point still stands. I am waiting in the Vern at the light to turn on to 7 so I can head home. 2 cute little old men are out of their truck, trying to push it through the intersection - right when my light turned green. Seriously?! You had to have started when the light was red - did you even look up?!?! I watch them struggle to push the car through the intersection - I feel bad, but I am also in a huuuuurry! Then, my hope for the future of our generation was restored. 4 guys come running up 7 to help these sweet men get their truck through the intersection. They left their cars running where they were to help out a fellow human in need. Wow. That was what I needed - I may have been in a hurry, but I needed to see people forgetting about themselves to help out someone else.

I slowed down a little bit last night and enjoyed every second. Avatar with the boys, then homework, then Honeynut Cheerios for dinner. (Don't judge....it was delish!) We read some books, then went to bed. Boys wanted to wait for Daddy to get home - but their eyeballs could barely stay open. Tommy gave in and went to bed if I promised to tell Daddy "Welcome Home" from him. So I did. I even stayed up way too late so I could be awake when he came home. We caught up on all our shows - I didn't watch one while he was gone! How is that for self control?! Beating myself up today - but worth it to slow down and enjoy those important times.

How did that carry over to today? It did not. I am counting down the minutes until I can go to lunch, then will restart for when I can go home. I am going to attempt to turn off my counter downer once I hit the front door, but I will also be home with Adam, the boys, Jaxx and the cats. It is so easy to not want times like that to end.  :)

Peace - and sloooowing doooown :)

What A Day.....

Today has been a heck of a day. I didn't have work (yay!) because I had a funeral (boo). Our family (Anderson by way of Rendel) lost a wonderful man this week. The funeral for Jeff Rendel was beautiful - the music, those involved in the service, the messages. All wonderful. I find it odd to hear myself say a funeral was wonderful, but even more odd was what I said on the way home to Adam. "Jeff's funeral the wonderful, only topped by Allie's." My own son's funeral is the one I consider the best I have attended. This is why - the music was perfect (even if there are songs I now can't hear without tears), the eulogies were perfect (read my Daddy's here), the homily was perfect, the Irish Blessing at the end of mass was perfect, the dove release at the cemetery was perfect (Shelby - I went back and remembered why I wanted a dove. Now I want it more :). The most amazing thing was how many people love us. The church was full, a very long car line to the cemetery, and all the attendants. 5 priests and 2 deacons - plus one "in training". Wow. That is possibly all I will ever have to say about that day. How lucky are we.

Today was the first funeral mass that my father-in-law was a part of as a deacon. How incredibly difficult - but he did a wonderful job, despite very obvious nerves. I told him I could tell how nervous he was and I think he was disappointed. Oops. :) He did the homily, which doubled as a eulogy - he spoke of Jeff as a man of science, God and family. But mostly family. He caused tears and laughs. Just what was needed. While it was amazing to see him in that role, I told him he was no longer allowed to have a part in family funerals - he incensed the casket with tears in eyes and stood in the sprinkling rain with Fr. Banet while the casket was entered into the hearse, again with tears in his eyes. My heart breaks most for 3 things lately - 1. When my daddy cries (thankfully, lately it is tears for the end of Nemo - but it still makes me cry), 2. When my father-in-law cries after being so strong for his sister, and 3. When sweet little Ben was crying, clinging to his mommy because he missed his grandpa. Oiy...just got a little teary writing that. While today was hard, we were together. Every family was accounted for, and we were all strong for each other. As always, we are better together - hoping we can be together under happy circumstances soon.



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After my "Enough" post on Tuesday, I was oh so surprised when tonight was going better than enough, and more like perfect! When we got home from the funeral, Adam and I grabbed Grandma Cooley's car and returned it. (No brakes in Sarah's car = driving Gradma's car that might be older than me, with windows that don't like to go up anymore. Yay.) Then we went to the grocery, picked up the boys, and headed home. "Mommy and Daddy need to just sit down for a minute, so be good." This never works.....ever. Today? It did. They sat at the table and colored, and didn't fight once! Holy moly. We had Hamburger Helper for dinner, but not the kind Tommy likes. I bribed him :) and said if he ate it without fights, I would make the brownies I bought the stuff for almost a week ago. No fights....not even a little whine. What the hell is going on!? So I made dinner, put the brownies in the oven, and that was that! While I was making dinner, Adam helped the boys with homework (which isn't always easy - math, reading packet, read a story, practice spelling words - and there were little disagreements, but no screaming and tears - success. Maybe all the planets are aligned in space tonight.) They even read an extra book together. We ate - Tommy ate everything! Plus peas (all we had...bleck.)

Brownie time - and where my story goes from perfect to my comfortable "enough". Amy told me that she wanted to read a blog where people tell their life stories similar to hers - getting to town and realizing someone forgot shoes...haha - instead of a "practically perfect in every way" (I wrote that line with my best Mary Poppins accent in my head - feel free to join.) life. So Amy, here it is! :)


Brownies were a tiny bit gooey....the package is never right about times. Oh well....good enough. :) I divied them up and shoved a broken one in my mouth on the way to the couch - after being out of the oven for a half hour, those suckers were hottt!! Never rush hot delicious food - tongue won't taste properly for days! We I decided were going to read the Harry Potter books as a family - start with one, and watch the movies after each book! Mama and Will did when he was Tommy's age, I want to do it too!! We were going to start Tuesday, so Thursday it is. On page 2, Nate decided his brownie didn't taste right - had to get up and throw it away. 3 - Tommy needed another brownie. 4 - Nate started wiggling. 6 - Tommy kept letting his brownie roll off his napkin into the couch crack - it got hairy so I told him to throw it away, even though a hairy brownie was perfect for "Harry Potter" :) 8 - Cap started pouncing on his shadow. 10 - Nate was out. 11 - Tommy wanted to know when it was over. We finally got through the 1st chapter and I have never seen Tommy look more relieved. To my surprise, Adam pipes in to quiet the cheers with "We are going to do this every night - they get better, you will like them." I didn't even know he was listening (mostly because he didn't insert his opinion in when they were squirmy and putting pillows in front of the book). Boys - "EEEvery Night?!?! Ooooh man!" Great....how did mom get it to go over so well? VOICES!!! She had a different accent/voice for every character! (I love reading her post about it - here.) I suggested this. "What if I do different voices for each character? Will you like that better?!" They agreed they would.....so I previewed. Mrs. Dursley was a success. So I tried Hagrid - giggles from boys and a severe eyebrow from Adam. Hagrid needs work. Next - Ron. Nope. Snape - nope. Boys wanted Harry. I couldn't find a long enough quote - kept looking. "Errrrr.....book is about Harry, Harry talks in the book! Errrrr......" Boys start cracking up, Tommy literally falls off the couch. What is going on?! They were laughing at me. The best part of the book so far was my failed attempt at Harry Potter voices. Good enough for me!!! :)

I have to go practice my accents before tomorrow night.....must call my mama. She always has good, important life tips! :)

Peace......And Harry Potter!

It Is Enough

I'm baaack!! To my 1 follower - if you have missed me, I hope to be back more often than once or twice a year :) Here is what I have been up to since my last post........

Tommy's team won the league championship!!

My sweet Tommy getting his trophy - he was pretty excited!!

At the Bartholomew Co. Fair 

Our newest family member - Jaxx

The Andersons and Herrons at Great Wolfe Lodge 

Nate and me after his Kindergarten graduation

Nate and Cam on the same team! With their coaches - their daddy's!

Natey got something stuck in his hand...had to have surgery to remove it

Speaks for itself......haha

I have adapted a new motto - it is enough. My sweet Mama wrote a post about an "Enough Christmas" that you can read about here. She had surgery, and didn't have the strength or energy to have the Christmas that she wanted, or thought we did. Mama, if you read this - it was perfect. I still remember every minute of it. Although she meant for it to be just for Christmas, what a perfect way to live. Whatever you do, however you do it, and whatever is accomplished - it is enough.

From the "Enough Christmas" - making gingerbread houses is a yearly thing

Why, you ask? I am not perfect, nor am I neat and organized. I try my very best, but never ever is anything exactly the way I want it in my head. I have a board on Pinterest called "An Organized Mom is a Happy Mom". It is filled with perfectly wonderful organizational ideas that I want to do......I have not. Someday....maybe.

Here is what I mean when I say I try to have an "Enough" life.........
  
    1. I try to make my boys eat a vegetable everynight with supper. Lately their favorite is peas (Ick! But unlike my sweet husband, I eat them to be a "good example". Still.....ick!). That being said, we don't eat them everynight. Sometimes I don't want the argument. Sometimes I don't have anything I want...hehe. And sometimes we have Pizza Rolls. How do you force veggies with Pizza Rolls?! I don't even try. It is good enough. And I don't apologize for letting them eat them. Tonight we had Pizza Rolls AND chicken nuggets. Do I feel guilty? Nope....at least they are eating! Right?!

    2. We have a beautiful dining room table that I got from my Grandma Hunny. I also have the matching China Cabinet. (Nate calls it the Chinese Cabinet - he said China Cabinet just doesn't make sense. Well......close enough.) The table is currently stacked with mail and other things that I need to sort through. The Chinese Cabinet is loaded down with Notre Dame knick knacks and various trophies - baseball, soccer. Not what is was probably designed for, but I have little boys! Close enough. So where do we eat dinner, you ask?? On our handy dandy TV trays we got from Gramma Shirley. Not the perfect "sit down" dinner I imagine most people have, but we are together and that is what matters. It is "enough" for me.

    3. Weekends are for going outside and doing things with your family!! We Andersons, we don't live by that motto. We are together as a family....but unless it is a necessity, we don't leave!! We do things around the house, play outside - mostly we snuggle on the couch and watch movies or read book. Ok, I read books....the boys watch tv. But we are together! Our favorite time of Saturday is nap time....all 4 of us, ok 5 - Jaxx loves nap time as much as we do! We snuggle up all together either on the couch or in bed. We may not be going a million places, making super fun and fantastic memories, but believe you me, we make memories. Sing a long time with Jaxxy, naming our new kitty (Cap, short for Captain America), kick ball games in the back yard. It may not be a lot, but it is enough. These are the things I remember about being a kid - breakfast on weekend mornings, watching movies that we hadn't seen yet, and roller blading in the basement. And Disney World - that was a big fun, fantastic memory. (Plus - what would mom and dad say if my favorite memory was roller blading in the basement?? "We took you all the way to Disney and it didn't even make your favorites list?!") Yes - Disney was a great memory! And one we hope to recreate next fall!!

Cap - isn't he the sweetest!?

    Most of all, I have to learn that I am enough. I am who I am - take it or leave it. We really are super busy - work, school, football for 2 boys 3 days a week, broomball, Zumba. And then add in the boring necessary stuff - homework, driving back and forth, cleaning (boo), cooking.
-I may not be the perfect mom, but - they love me, they miss me when I am gone, Nate has to have 10 kisses before he goes to bed, they still love to snuggle. I may not be perfect, but to them - I am more than enough.

-I may not be the perfect wife, but - we never leave eachother or get off the phone without saying "I love you", I listen when he talks all about the inserts he is selling to NTN tomorrow (yawn) and he listens to me whine and complain about my job. We let eachother have our own time, but we also look forward to when the other comes home. We celebrate every accomplishment as if it were our own, and there is always a reserved shoulder when being strong isn't an option anymore. Do we fight? Oooh yes we do - we are so very good at that! Do we irritate the crap out of eachother? Of course. But there is a lot of love, and a lot of good things that we have created. Neither of us are perfect, but he is enough for me and I am enough for him.



At Adam's first CCA Christmas party

-I know I am not the perfect friend - but my hope is that I am enough. I don't have much to elaborate on that - I know that some may not feel that it is enough. The thing about friends is that there is love always. I don't have to hear it or see it...I know it is there. I am sorry if anyone feels I am not enough...truly.


So..."enough" for one day! :)

Peace....and being "enough"

What a long time its been!!!

So I was doing really good for a while, and then not so much. So much has happened since the last time I posted! The most noticeable is the layout, they make it so easy to change! There have been birthdays, vacations and tattoos! And I started culinary school!! All very exciting, with lots and lots of pictures! I am starting a new blog that is just about my journey through culinary school, but it isn't ready yet.


So all this to say, that I will post again soon! Ha!


Come back soon...it will be updated and fabulous!!


Peace :)

I Choose to Live...

In the last 5 months, there have been very special people that have chosen to send or leave cards for me. It always seems that I get them exactly when I need to. I got a card today, or at least that is when I got it out of the mailbox, from a very special person, whom I will call P. In it was a sermon that spoke to her, and she was hoping it would to me as well. Here is a part she made sure I noticed:

"It was once a custom in Lakota Sioux Indian villages, at a time when many children did not survive infancy, to have a mourning tee-pee at the outskirts of the tribal village. All women who lost children were sent to live in that tee-pee for a month of solitude and grief. At the end of the month, the tee-pee was set on fire. The woman inside had to decide whether to live or die. If she came out of the burning tee-pee, this indicated that she was prepared to live, and she then rebuilt the tee-pee for the next mourner. As harsh as such a practice may sound to us, it's a pretty good graphic word-picture of the very necessary decisions we are confronted with as we try to move out of the despair of deep grief."

To actually have to decide whether to live or die, that would be hard. Everyday, I decide to get out of bed, take the boys to school, and go on with my day. Whether that be working, a day off full of appointments, or a day off to just relax, I always choose to get out of bed. It isn't always easy, but it also isn't deciding whether or not to come out of a burning tee-pee. In those terms, I guess I do choose to come out of the tee-pee. If only it were as easy as having to decide only once. In reality, those who deal with grief have to decide that every day. Because just deciding to come out, that doesn't mean really living, where as chosing not to come out doesn't mean actually dying. I guess where I am at, I just chose to live. I have my bad days, and I have my not so bad days. But my journey through grief is my own, and I am the only one who knows how to get through it. I live, and I can live how I want. No questions asked. And in the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Tomorrow is is a big day of 5s. March 5th, Allie's 5 month Angelday, and 5 days until my 25th birthday. A lot to be happy about, and a lot to be sad about. Such is my life.

Paulie said "ByeByeSar" the other night. Big Nate said it was a coincidence, I choose to believe otherwise. I will miss forever seeing Allie and Paulie grow up together. At least now, a little piece of Alex will grow up with Paul. I still see Alex everywhere Paul is. Here is hoping that lasts forever.

Peace. And choosing to live, whatever that means.

Alex's 4 Month Angelday

Four months...wow. Feels like it may as well have been four years. I couldn't sleep last night. Just lonely I guess, so I watched tv, played around on the computer, thought about all the things I still needed to do before Sunday. Nothing particularly important. When I stopped to see what time it was, it was 1:30. My first thought was wow! Way too late! My next thought was, exactly 4 months ago from right this very moment, was the last time I saw him. Last time I said "good night", last time I kissed his sweet face. I tried at least. I remember like yesterday, he didn't want to give me a kiss. He hated when Adam took him up to bed and I didn't, I think he didn't give me a kiss because he didn't want to leave me. Look where we are now. Missing him and his sloppy kisses every hour of everyday.

Dear Allie,

I love you and miss you so much. I am just not the same without you, but so much better for having known you. I will live the rest of my life trying to make you proud. Happy Angelday baby.

Love you, Mommy

And the clumsy one gets stitches...

He is pretty proud of his bandaid and bracelet from the hospital!

Yes...our first set of stitches. Pretty amazing considering Nate is almost 4, and he is by far the clumsiest kid I know! Combine Nathan, a ball, running, and a door, and that is apparantly the formula for stitches! Jumping around now, almost as if nothing happened, so all is well! A constant bandaid for 7 days and a new whale from the hospital for being a brave boy, and we officially made it through our first injury. Nothing like stitches to get you ready for your birthday!

Peace. And stitches.