but how can we be a family of 5 when there are only 4 of us when we are all together? One of my neighbors, and new friend, told me that the very first time we met. "Just remember, you will always be a family of 5." Sometimes that makes me feel better. Just because he is gone doesn't mean he doesn't still belong to us. Other days, like today, it just isn't good enough. I want to hold him, I want to snuggle with him, I want to see his face light up when I walk into the room. I want my baby.
Every night, before I tuck the boys into bed, Tommy goes through the usual list of things he just has to tell me. "I miss Alex, I wish Alex would come back, I miss Buster and Zoe, When can we get new dogs, and when can we get a new baby." "I do too, I do too, I know, Not anytime soon, but eventually, and I don't know" are my usual replys. What I want to say is "You have no idea how much I miss him, I would give up my life to have him come back to you, I hated the dogs, they ruined my life as far as I am concerned, Never ever will we have new dogs, and I'm sorry but Mommy will never ever have another baby." He is usually satisfied with the first set of replys so I don't go any further. Oh dear, when did life get so damn complicated??
The only thing that makes me truly happy...thinking of my 3 boys together.
I think maybe I will get a kitten. Something little and cute and cuddly. A little something to try and fill the cuddle void. I asked Adam...he said he would think about it. Fingers crossed.
Mom always ends her posts with "Peace". I think we could all use a little peace.
Peace. And kittens.
2 comments:
OK....so all I can say is how much I really love you and your family of FIVE!!! You will always be a Mommy to THREE absolutely perfect little boys....no matter what! I love you guys so much and I really wish I had some sort of advice to give you...but I think you have proven how strong of a person you are in the last few months! You truly are one of the strongest people I have ever known....and I am so lucky to call you my best friend....like my 4th sister!! Love you!!!
Sweet. And we need to find you guys a kitten who will grow up to be as groovy as Toulouse -- the cat who thinks he is a dog.
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